The Family Puzzle... Putting the Pieces Togeather
Session 4 - DISCIPLINE THAT GETS RESULTS
Lesson 7 - Family Meetings
“When we were children, families shared mealtimes, leisurely summer evenings on the patio, weekly worship services, and long car trips to grandmother’s house. Families didn’t need meetings because they hashed out mutual concerns around the dinner table. But, with both parents working and children participating in more structured activities than before, hectic schedules are squeezing out the household rituals which bonded past generations.”
Elaine Hightower & Betsy Riley, Our Family Meeting Book
Family meetings are a place where children can practice asserting their feelings, conflict resolution, and leadership skills. They learn to listen to other people’s viewpoints and support each other’s dreams.
For the first few family meetings, the parents need to set the stage. The meetings should be short, fun, and inviting. For example, you may want to put a time limit of 15 minutes on the first three meetings, and have them contain only an encouragement feast, planning for a family outing and a game. The object is to encourage everyone to attend the meetings. If they become gripe sessions where the parents rule, the children won’t want to come. Be mindful during all the meetings so that they do not become negative.
Things to consider when holding a family meeting:
- Choose time and day when the entire family does not have conflicts with the schedule. Keep this time sacred – don’t change for everyone’s convenience. Mark the time on everyone’s calendar and make it as important as a business meeting.
- Sit in the area of the house that has the fewest distractions.
- Eliminate interruptions – TV and phone calls, for example.
- Rotate the leadership. This is a great place for children to learn how to be effective leaders and followers. The leader runs the meeting by following the family’s agenda and making sure members speak only during their turn. Families can create their own version of the Native American talking stick, or they can pass around some other item that represents reverence, such as a heart. Only the person with that item can talk.
- Rotate the secretary at each meeting. The secretary takes notes on what decisions are made. During the week, people sometimes forget what they agreed to. The notes help clarify these issues.
- Note: Family journals from your meetings make delightful keepsakes.
- Keep an agenda in a public area of the house, like the refrigerator, so that all members can add to it as needed.
- End on a fun, light note. Play a game, have a snack, or read from a book you all agree to read together.
There may be times when a child is angry with another child or a parent. This issue often needs to be addressed before any further progress can be made in the meeting. Use the steps for resolving conflict, or use the communication skills learned earlier in this session to dissipate negative emotions.
What about my toddler? You may think she is too young to sit still for a meeting, let alone get any meaning from it, but you will be amazed at how much they hear and contribute if you let them play quietly during the family meeting.
If your family is not very supportive of one another, family meetings can be difficult. It is easy to give up. Stick with them anyway. Don’t quit because it is too hard. Change can be scary. Get support. The closeness that you will attain is well worth the struggle you may need to get the results you want.
Family meetings can be a source of fun, closeness, encouragement, support, and a sense of a team working together toward a common goal.
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