The Family Puzzle... Putting the Pieces Together

Session 4 - DISCIPLINE THAT GETS RESULTS

Lesson: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8

Exercise: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11

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Lesson 6 - Alternatives To Punishment

6 Alternatives to Punishment

1. Teach your child how to self-calm
   
2. Use “I” messages
   
3. Let them do make-ups
   
4. Use steps to resolve conflict
   
5. Use natural consequences
   
6. Teach Accountability

1. Teach your child how to self-calm

How old were you when you learned how to control your temper? Wouldn't it be great to teach our children these skills at an earlier age? When children misbehave, we often try to use control tactics to handle things. We yell, threaten, punish, bribe, and send them to time-out. Unfortunately, these methods don’t teach self-control. They only teach them more coercive ways to get what they want. It is important that we remember our goal is to teach our children how to gain self-control. Below are some suggestions on how to do exactly that.

Help your child to create a self-calming space (you and your child can devise a special word for this space). The space does not have to be in the child’s room, it can be outside, in the study, or under a staircase. This is a space to take a break from a negative situation where the child can get into a calm, peaceful state. From this state, she can work through emotions to find alternative solutions to the challenge she is experiencing

With their help, put items in the space that will soothe your child. Children use four senses to calm themselves. Here is a list of possible items to use for each sense.

• Auditory - CD or tape player, musical instruments
  
• Visual - books, beautiful pictures, lava lamp, an aquarium
  
• Kinesthetic - water play, sand box, trampoline, crayons, play dough, tree to climb
  
• Olfactory - scented candles (for teenagers) or potpourri in a bag.
  

A parent may accompany a child to this space, if invited. It is also a good idea for the parent to have their own space and to model using it.

Word of Caution: Do not confuse self-calming with another way to punish. If your child feels that being separate from you is punishment, this concept will not work. Instead of separating him, you could put up a small pup tent in the room or sit in his self-calming space with him. The idea here is to teach the child how to self-calm, not to get him out of our hair because we are so frustrated (although this happens too!)

Click Here to go to Exercise 4