The Family Puzzle... Putting the Pieces Togeather
Session 4 - DISCIPLINE THAT GETS RESULTS
Lesson 2 - Feeling Encouragers
There are many things we do to encourage our children to express their feelings. When we use items the listed below, we make our homes an emotionally safe place where children have the freedom to be who they are. The skills we model will allow them to be emotionally available adults.
An emotion that is repressed, persists. Feelings
that are accepted and acknowledged lose their destructive charge.
Validate feelings – Help the other person feel confirmed. Example: “If that happen
ed to me, I would probably feel angry too.”
Listen intently - Give one hundred percent of your attention.
Below are some various ways, effective and ineffective, that
we listen:
- Ignore – refusing to pay attention.
- Pretend – acting like you are listening while being preoccupied with something else's.
- Selective – listening to only what you want to hear.
- Enmesh - entangling your issues with someone elses.
- Listen intently – giving one hundred percent focused attention.
- Empathize - identifying with and understanding another person’s feelings or difficulties.
Be curious - Rather than assuming you know, ask questions. Example: “How did that happen?”
Be empathetic- Put yourself in their shoes. Example: “It can be lonely when you don’t have someone to play with.
Invite expression of feeling – Encourage them to share their feelings. Example: “How did that make you feel?
Phrases that encourage feelings:
- Tell me about it.
- I hear you.
- This seems important to you.
- Is there anything else?
- That must make you feel_________.
- Sounds like you feel___________.
- Share a similar experience of your own -- but only when it is appropriate, and make it "short and sweet.”
Identify the emotion – Assist in recognizing and putting words to their emotions. Use this with younger children who aren’t able to identify their feelings. Example: “You are feeling mad.” When the child demonstrates his ability to consistently identify his feelings, this feeling encourager is unnecessary.
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