The Family Puzzle... Putting the Pieces Together
Session 2 - Encouragement - The Key to Your Child's Self-Image
Lesson 8 - What Parenting Style Do You Use?
Part 1 of 2
Typically, parents use one of three forms of discipline: Autocratic, Permissive and Mindful.
Autocratic Parenting
Autocratic parenting is a hold over from when our society was more autocratic. There used to be a king who used fear tactics and everyone obeyed. When parents try to use force, fear and other forms of manipulation to get their child to obey, their attempts are usually met with rebellion or over-compliance. The child does not learn to listen to his inner convictions and passions but instead learns to dismiss them. This child does not learn self-reliance but instead looks to an authority figure to find out he should or shouldn’t do.
Permissive Parenting
Permissive parenting usually results when parents are over-stressed, want to avoid conflict or they want their child to like them. The result of permissive parenting is that the child does not feel loved, and they never learn responsibility because their parents didn’t hold them accountable. This child lacks self-esteem and an ability to care deeply for himself and those around him.
Mindful Parenting
What is your goal of your discipline? Is it to have a child who obeys you? Is it to have your child like you? Or is it to teach your child self-reliance. One way to create self-reliant children is to develop the ability to hold your child accountable and at the same time buoy your child’s spirit. Help your child feel loved, understood, and capable while you remain firm about your values. This is not an easy task especially since most of us were not raised in this fashion and do not have role models of how to parent this way.
It is easy to substitute our will for that of our
child by means of suggestion or coercion.
But when we do this, we have robbed him of
his greatest right — the right to construct
his own personality.
—Maria Montessori
Maria Montessori: Her Life and Work by E.M. Standing
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Am I motivating through love or fear?
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Click Here to go to Part 2 of Lesson 8
