The Family Puzzle... Putting the Pieces Together

Sesson 2 - Encouragement - The Key to Your Child's Self-Image

Lesson: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12

Exercise: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

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Lesson 2 - Encouragement vs. Praise: How the Results Differ

Dr. Rudolf Dreikurs makes a distinction between praise and encouragement that’s not found in the dictionary. Praise causes the child to look externally for how to feel about himself, whereas encouragement focuses the child on an internal reflection. Below are two lists of how praise and encouragement differ

PRAISE	ENCOURAGEMENT
Stimulates rivalry and competition	Stimulates cooperation and contribution to the good of all
Focuses on quality of performance	Focuses on the amount of effort, persistence, determination and joy shown
Evaluative and judgmental	No evaluation of person or act; person feels “accepted”
Fosters selfishness at the expense of others	Emphasis on encouraging everyone’s success
Emphasis is on being better than others	Enhances persistence and determination
Creates quitters	Fosters acceptance of imperfection
Fosters fear of failure	Fosters self-sufficiency and interdependence
Fosters dependence	Looks within for self-acceptance and direction
Promotes looking outside oneself for validation and direction	Creates eagerness to build character
Creates sensitivity to criticism

PRAISING STATEMENTS	ENCOURAGING STATEMENTS
You are a good boy.	Thank you for your help setting the table.
I’ll bet you’re the smartest in your class	I noticed you made sure your brother understood, too.
I am so proud of your good grades!	You seem to really enjoy learning!
You are the best helper I ever had.	The dishes went a lot quicker with your help.
Your paintings are so pretty.	Which painting do you like best?

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