Usually parents pass their values down to their children. What if you did the opposite? What if your children were part of the decision-making process determining values deemed important in your family? You would probably discover two things beginning to happen. One is there would be more ownership of the atmosphere by the family. Secondly, you would feel less tired from having to be the enforcer.
Here are some questions it is suggested you ask your family at a family meeting. Make sure that you ask these questions in a detached tone. If the children feel like you have just found a nicer way to get them to do what you want, this idea will backfire. Also, make sure that everyone's emotional bank account is not overdrawn or your children will not feel like cooperating.
What physical environment do you want to live in? This can be divided into two or three areas: public, private and family room. Do you want these areas to be impeccably clean, moderately clean, or messy? How will we implement this?
What emotional environment do we want to live in? Do we want an angry and non-cooperative atmosphere, or an environment where we are cooperative and work toward win-win solutions?
How should the chores get done? Should the parents do all the chores? Should the kids do all the chores? How will we implement the ideas?
When you have completed your discussion, invite members of the family to write a list or draw pictures of your decisions. Decide together where to put the pictures or list as a reminder to the family. You may want to do only one or two values at a time so that your family does not get overwhelmed. When you have achieved success on a regular basis, add another value.
