Siblings have a huge effect on each other’s personality. Rivalry does not necessarily mean “duking it out” with each other. Often rivalry shows up when one child is good at something, such as grades, and the other child feels like there is no use parking in that parking spot, because it is already taken. It’s almost as if they were saying, “I am afraid I can’t measure up, so I’ll find a different parking spot -- like being good at sports.” Some children actually believe that they couldn’t be good in their sibling’s area, but usually the case is that the child doesn’t want to be compared to his sibling and come up short.
In order to get a better understanding of the dynamics between siblings, let’s look at the effects of their birth order. The table also contains a list of what you can do to help your child in each position.
BIRTH ORDER
CHARACTERISTICS BY BIRTH ORDER
First Child
|
Often takes responsibility for other siblings
|
Avoid pressuring to succeed |
|
Gets along well with authority figures
|
Remind that it is not about winning, but rather the fun of participating |
|
Likely to become a high achiever
|
Teach that mistakes are for learning |
|
Needs to feel right, perfect, superior
|
Show how to be gentle with self when accepting failure
|
Only Child
| Characteristics by Birth Order |
What You Can Do |
| Used to being the center of attention |
Provide learning opportunities with other children |
| Compares self to parents since there are no siblings |
Encourage visiting friends |
| May feel incompetent compared to others |
Have spend-the-night company |
| Likely to be responsible |
Use child-care and preschools |
| Often refuses to cooperate if fails to get own way |
Have a pet |
Second Child
| Characteristics by Birth Order |
What You Can Do |
| May try to catch up with older child’s competence |
Encourage uniqueness |
| May try to be the older child’s opposite |
Avoid comparisons with eldest |
| May rebel in order to find own place |
Allow second child to handle her own conflicts with the oldest |
Middle Child
| Characteristics by Birth Order |
What You Can Do |
| May feel crowded out, unsure of position |
Make time for one-on-one activities |
| May be sensitive, bitter or revengeful |
Make the leader of family functions |
| May be a good diplomat or mediator |
Ask opinion |
| May feel that life is unfair |
|
| May feel unnoticed |
|
Younger Child
| Characteristics by Birth Order |
What You Can Do |
| Often over-pampered by parents and older children |
Teach independence |
| Likely to be shielded from conflicts |
Don’t rescue |
| Often self-indulgent |
Don’t refer to as “the baby” |
| May be engaging |
Encourage self-reliance |
|
Allow child to lead activities |
We are not attempting to put your child in a box by identifying his birth order. However, seeing how he may view his world from the perspective of his birth order position can increase your understanding of his behavior.
