Redirecting your Child's behavior

Children frequently go to their parents to connect. It’s almost as of they are little gas tanks that need to be replenished many times a day. A GEM is a brief encounter with your child that fills up that tank with connection and love. This is a time to experience awe and admiration for the miracle in front of you. When their tank is full, they go merrily off to face the wonderful world of children.

Children need to feel connected. If they don’t feel connected in our homes, churches, schools, and other communities, they will find connection through drug use, gang activity, sex, and inappropriate use of the internet.

Below are steps to giving Genuine Encounter Moments:

Interact at child’s eye level
Make friendly eye contact
Lovingly touch if possible
Give your 100% focused attention
Respond from the heart, not the head

What if you can’t give your child a GEM at that moment? It isn't humanly possible to do this EVERY TIME your child comes to you. If you are unable to at that moment, acknowledge your child’s request and give them a time when you will be able to provide them with a GEM. Then make sure you keep your word. If you said five minutes, don’t try to stretch it to ten. Some teenagers come to connect with their parents less often. Therefore, it is vital that you drop whatever you are doing and give your teen a GEM. If you do the following simple process, several times each day, you will dramatically improve your child’s self-esteem and bolster your relationship.

1. What do you do when your children want attention?

Check the box next to your most frequent action:

a. Ignore them.

b. Pretend I am listening.

c. Tell them to ‘wait for eternity’ (which is what the child hears when you say a minute).

d. Pay attention, but with an annoyed attitude.

e. Give them my full attention when I can.

f. All of the above (Give me a break - we aren't The Brady Bunch!).

2. If you have teens, they are no longer as obvious about wanting time. To the contrary, some teenagers make it obvious that they DON’T want to spend time with you (don’t worry, though -this is not about you. It’s just a developmental stage that most teenagers go through.)

How is your teen giving you subtle signs that they want to connect? This can arrive in the form of a double message – “I want to be with you, but I don’t want to be with you.” *(You didn’t know that your job description included deciphering code when you signed up, did you?) Click here to download job description

They may plop themselves down beside you and look bored. They may come into your bedroom while you are putting on make up or they may ask you to do something for them that they are fully capable of doing themselves.

In the box below, enter signs they are giving you that might indicate they want to connect.