The word ‘paradigm’ refers to the way we see our world. Our paradigm is the basis for our behavior and attitudes. It is the way we perceive, interpret, and understand the world in which we live.
Our families, schools and churches -- as well as professionals and personal friends -- have an effect on us, and help shape our paradigms. We interpret the world as we have been conditioned to see it. Your paradigm is not the world as it really is, but the world as you perceive it.
In making a paradigm shift, we move from one way of seeing the world to another. Some of us have been conditioned to view children from a negative perspective. Below are some them.
OLD BELIEFS
Children misbehave because they:
- are bad
- only want attention
- are stubborn
- are spoiled
- are selfish and self-centered
- are inconsiderate
- are just like their mother/father
- can’t help it
- have bad genes
CONCLUSION: A MISBEHAVING CHILD = BAD CHILD = BAD PARENT!
REACTION: I must control or manipulate my child’s behavior, or I am a bad parent.
Now, let’s move from viewing the child’s behavior as negative to the new belief that the child is trying to communicate something to you.
NEW BELIEFS
Children behave the way they do because they:
- need to belong
- need to be taught a skill
- need to feel loved
- need to feel valuable/powerful
- need to feel respected
- need to experiment and explore
- have a physical need (tired, hungry, or sick)
CONCLUSION: A MISBEHAVING CHILD = A CHILD WHO IS COMMUNICATING A NEED
REACTION: I can determine my child’s needs and respond appropriately.
